Reflections

And that's when you shall notice there ain't nothing up anymore.

Thu, 09 Dec 2010 22:39:00 -0500

“One word turns into a war
Why is the smallest things that tear us down?
My world is nothing when you’re gone
I’m out here without a shield, can’t go back now.”

This is the song that I’ve been listening to the whole week, which’s mostly known as Battlefield by Jordin Sparks.This song kinda describes what you feel whenever your relationship is passing away, when it becomes a battlefield rather than a lovely friendship or anything good, even though none of you have ever even meant to head it over.

In my opnion, it’s not even like one of you did ever mean or not to do it, but a relationship must work well perfect since the begginning, otherwise it’s never gonna start working out all of a sudden; I don’t even know why people try to come up with something which’s been way wrong since the begginning, can’t they see it’s just gonna be a waste of time? There’s no logic on this kind of situation, if someone of the couple ever fear tearing apart, why will they once start it off? Just like, trying to lead it forward while hiding the matters? I’d rather naming it a joke or anything but love. If you really love someone, you’re never gonna tease the one you’re supposed to love, you’ll always wish it the best, and teasing situations won’t ever be the best way of proving anyone your love. I’m just 15, so I’m not even sure that all of the things I’ve just typed are right or if it’s as different as every single thing I used to rate out when I was even younger.

I’ve seen many people saying and typing their wishes, and most of ‘em are like “I hope there was someone decent in this world, I wish there was someone who didn’t look up to appearence and look down on the internal part”, but if this one ever finds someone who’s fat and bad-looks, it’s just gonna look down on it due to obvious facts, or “you’ve hurt me once, but ok, now you have just taught me how rude must I be”, even though hurting someone else will simply make this one becomes as ridiculous as the lastest people mentioned, or even like “where’s the decent person I’ve been searching for ever since my first breath?”, so the decent person’s right talking to this one, but it doesn’t look that good, hasn’t experienced many things cuz it’s so shy and quiet, nevertheless the personality which’s been searched for a life is there, but the one who’s in search simply let it go due to small shits, like the looking thing or the lack of life experience, and now I ask you, where’s the decency on the one who’s in search of decency?
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Now I’m feeling way better after letting out so much, thanks you tumblr(and try not to ever crash down again when I feel like in need of letting out, as you did some days ago [:).

Depression.

Tue, 02 Nov 2010 21:17:39 -0400

“There are many ways of getting depressed, but the worst one is getting it due to some family problem.”

Do you guys agree with it? Because I definitely disagree.

As well as getting depressed hasn’t been something so hard to reach nowadays, many people have dealed with that kind of matter, putting on their masks or any other kind of disguises which may be around.

I can’t say I know how to absolutely avoid this depression, neither that I could deal with this problem however it comes up. I can’t say I’m depressive once I’ve never been supposed to be so, there are moments that I feel like I had deeply gotten depressed, as well as there are moments that I feel like nothing could get any better, cuz that’s already been the best.

The point is: I only feel like nothing coulda been better, when I’m alone; I’ve definitely never felt happy when there’s someone around, no matter if I love the one or not, but I just can’t feel as happy as I feel when I’m alone. Many people tell me I’m problematic and I could even take up to it all, but I’d rather saying I’m questionable; when I tell people about it, they’re just like, hoho why? And I simply answer them that they’d not get my point once it sounds like they’ve never been alone before, so they’re not even supposed to know where/what are the benefits between being alone or not… as a matter of fact, they just know how good does it feels to be surrounded by people, and its benefits. As long as they stop and stare while thinking over, it’s pretty sure that a curiosity will come up and they’ll want/try to tease themselves, and so what? They stay home alone at weekend night, and then they don’t have anything to do, so they start thinking ‘wow, it’s never been a cool idea, haha, it’s so useless, I could’ve been dancing or jerking or doing anything but being bored’, and then they never try to do it anymore. None will ever get used to something so unknown all of a sudden. Habits are built since everyone’s first breath up till they’re dead(and then, all the habits built till then, are shattered and become something none’s figured out yet).

I wish people could understand just one single thing: each one has your habits, none’s suchlike, as some of them are used to head out home every single night, others are used to stay home and doing some other things right there, life’s got no rule besides freedom, and once freedom is the main rule of life, everyone may do whatever they want to, act however they want to.

Confidence

Wed, 13 Oct 2010 16:13:00 -0400

“A secret may be shared and kept between 2 people, as long as one is dead.”

This is the sentence that has bothered me all week/holiday long.

That sentence has made me think that there can’t be any confidence between friends and even made me realize that the concept of friendship has changed even more than I could imagine.

I’ve not told a secret to someone else for such a long time, because I have somehow figured the new concept of friendship for quite some time(luckily), I’ll keep doing that way.

The concept I figured was so poor, unreal and some other adjective I’ve never learned so far… for the first time I realized such concept, I was like “oh, after all the things you have seen lately, it couldn’t be that different aight”, but I was still desapointed with what human being is supposed to do; now, after the sentence mentioned on the top of this post, I figured it’s much worse than what I’d imagined - the level of poverty increased incomparably, I feel like I could trust definitely nobody, everyone’s supposed to do something to outshine someone else, mainly if there’s something backstage.

I’d lie if I say that I wish I had many more friends, or at least a second one, once it sounds impossible to have a friend nowadays, not that I’m so selective that nobody can be my friend unless it’s absolutely perfect, but I’m talking about friendship, it’s not something temporary, but something which’s supposed to last forever or at least for quite some time. Whenever I mention the words friend or friendship, I’m not talking about something that can bring me benefits later, but something mutual, it means, whenever my friend is in a trouble, I’m no way gonna let it go, neither if I’m supposed to get in such trouble somehow, or whatever. Not boasting, but I wish everyone had the same reasoning line as me, pretty sure things would be somewhat better; I’m definitely none to point my finger in anyone’s face and say what’s wrong or right, what’s good or bad, what they should or not do to make the things way better, I’m not even judging anybody else’s concept, I’m just letting my opinion overlaps my timidity and letting them unburden along.

Everyone may keeps your confidences with yourselves, but it feels much better when told to someone else, who is supposed to help you, or at least opine about so. I don’t think anybody is weak enough not to get to keep a secret between just 2 people. World has scared me over and over, I feel like I absolutely couldn’t trust anyone, whoever it is.

People might think I’m somewhat of crazy, or someone trying to be famous through freak/weird reflections, but no, I’m here to simply unburden, and for those who think it’s impossible to live with none aside,think over and take a look around, and try not to suicide after that.

Superiority.

Sun, 22 Aug 2010 01:49:00 -0400

I have seen many people talking about superiority, and taking it as something much easier to be discussed/reached than it really is. Many times, when I’m sat on my writing table(student desk), so quiet, trying to pay attention in the class, I hear people around discussing about such subject. Some say superiority can be temporary and I just wonder how can it be temporary if there’s always gonna be someone who’ll not agree with it(as I do 95% of times), as there’s always gonna be who agree with it just looking for something else hereafter.

People can’t notice they are not superior enough to figure out the meaning of this world, they can’t think twice and review their concepts and just admit they’ve been wrong and simply take on getting better and going forwards over and over. If they were really superior, they wouldn’t have been discussing it, because they could have a certain answer.

I see many people saying ‘whenever you need me, you may call me and I’ll be there in a hurry, as fast as I can’, but 2 hours later, these people find more friends and then these ones just want “to go on stage” and show their new adorable friends how crazy can they be. I shouldn’t name ‘em crazy, because I know that somehow I’m praising them, once being crazy isn’t as ridiculous as wanting to go to lights and just step on the one who was supposed to count on these people just because they’ve reached the top, and the other one is needing their help, but why would they climb down, if they have finally reached the top through crazy acts, they won’t need the one they were supposed to help in the past, anymore, it’s just better for themselves not to climb down the top, there’ll not be any advantage, and there’s no need of minding at the friend from the past, anymore… they’re just getting nothing, it wouldn’t be worth it.

It’s much cooler to make someone who can put people up laugh than carrying out what’s been promissed before. Seems like it doesn’t matter what people have to do to reach the top, they just focus on being the coolest and fuck the rest, it aint worth the rest, feelings won’t take these kind of people ANYWHERE else. Feelings can’t lead people anywhere, and for those kind of people, minding at feelings is just a waste of time.

Wasting time with some things isn't worth it.

Wed, 04 Aug 2010 20:44:00 -0400

Whenever I go to school and walk up to my classroom, I hear many different subjects being talked by people around. As I try to ignore them, the subjects come out on my ears and then they get on my brain and make me start thinking about it and at the same time, make me try to figure out where would those subjects lead them.

I can’t understand if they do it just not to keep doing like nothing, but I’m sure nobody is free to do whatever they want to, at 7 AM; they leastly have to walk up to their classroom as I do, but no, it’s much better not to go on the right way and being considered like a “normal teenager”, even because teenagers who go on the right way are nerds and mean shit for everyone else(that’s the way everyone get fucked, but wuts tha metta its so fucking freak hahaha).

As I’ve just said, I try to mock those kind of situation, I really have to try my best to keep going on my way and not to stop and inquire some topics about they think they’re intelectual enough or even highbrows to talk about.

Many people call me fake just because I don’t express myself that good, but if I would, they’d just ignore and restart saying I’m crazy, because I think way more decent than they do, and that’s not even common. I just wanna do what I’m really enough to, and not ever try to mean something higher than what I know that I can mean.

Unfortunately, really few people think like me, obviously, they’d have to spend such a long time thinking about what were being useless for them, once they’ve never done it before and it worth nothing, or they would even loose something they have currently, like friends who think like them and even their positions on their friends rankings.

Why would anyone ever make a ranking for their own friend? Is it the meaning of friendship? Can a friend loose its “position” and friendship suddenly just because this one decided on starting reasoning and finally choose the ideology it’ll follow till the end of life?

None is obligated to follow someone else’s ideology just because the other one is a friend, friends must be there whenever someone get in any kind of trouble and the ideology won’t even matter, even because if they think so different, they wouldn’t/couldn’t even have become friends. For some reason that I can’t get, people CAN NOT think before doing the things, it seems like the biggest trouble and the hardest thing to do before whatever. People just think about what they should have thought when they met each other for the first time when they get betrayed and start crying.

I just wonder how can’t people figure/learn what they must do before deciding on whatever, even after some deception they’ve ever had; like, how can’t they figure that if they had ever thought before doing something, they wouldn’t be sad in such moment, won’t even have to worry with the future. They can NOT foresee what’s coming up later, and they do have to worry and think twice before anything because they aren’t anyone else to not take any risks on everything they’re supposed to do.

While they talk about useless things, they could have been thinking about their own things and figuring what’s going wrong or what’s supposed to bring up troubles to themselves; as it’s much easier not to worry about anything, it’s much better to have a good position with friends and be someone special, and fuck the rest, they’re in a position with friends and then they can have as much fun as their friends(who surely not do it either).

In my opnion life’s not made just by fun, fun means just a part of life to me, even smaller than the serious one, this is the way I’ve thought since I was 10(that i had one of the biggest deceptions I’ve ever had) and I can’t say I don’t have any deceptions but I can say the quantity of deceptions have gone down over and over ever since and I’ve lived much better, though many people call me crazy and other call me arrogant, but as easy as it seems not to worry about anything, it’s really easier to worry for some minutes but get a much better life and not to have any deceptions and never get through troubles(troubles go away when I think, then I can do whatever I want later on, 10 minutes is surely worth more than months crying).

Thinking about where has your time been wasted on isn’t easy for the first time, but you get really used to it after some weeks, and then you’ll realize how life started flowing better and all the time you spent thinking was really worth it; moreover fun shows up within.

I wish people could think like that, it just proves how people prefers the easiest way than the more complicated one, no matter the result they are supposed to get.

Comtempts

Sat, 31 Jul 2010 23:12:00 -0400

I’ve realized how the amount of people who think they’re superior enough to look down upon anyone and simply laugh off it like bullying can’t stop going up.

As you may notice on my present/past posts, I hate people who pretend to be superior even though they know they are far from truly meaning it by themselves. Some call me rude, others call me cold and some other even call me stupid; I wonder how/why can’t they open their minds and their eyes and notice they’re are the wrong ones, once they’re the ones looking down upon people and preteding to be really superior.

The bullied one is never the inferior one, once that if someone is superior and it rapes or looks down upon someone else preteding to be or showing your superiority, it becomes an inferior people instantly(it’s leastly supposed to); as a matter of fact, it hardly ever happen, and I keep wondering why, is that because people never spend one single minute thinking about how they’re supposed to act in the nearest future or can’t they even try to do it?

If people began learning how to think rationally since their first hour in Earth, as any human is supposed to think, there wouldn’t be such quantity of stupid people in this world and everyone’s life in Earth would be much more quiet and tranquility would show up much more often than it does, but again and again, people can’t think decently, doing the world much worse.

Having fun surely makes part of everyone’s life, but it’s not everything people should try to do, if everyone think about their future acts as much as they look for fun, the Earth planet would be as perfect as finding your soul mate after many years searching for a decent people(decent people = soul mate, though it will surely have some defect).

Nothing’s got perfect so far, but looking down upon someone or bullying someone won’t make it so, that’s why I always wished I could do something with the ones I hate, but unfortunately I can’t do against them out of unburdening, even cuz, if I would do something against them, make sure the world’s population would grow down so bad that the world could barely stay alive(unfortunately, some stupid people still keep the world alive and “amused” with their self-eminence).

People shouldn't even try to foresee the future.

Fri, 30 Jul 2010 22:47:00 -0400

I get definitelly impressed the way people think they can really foresee all the moments in the world.

I don’t really know if they fear snakes or if they simply want to prevent themselves from past things or if they take and make situations so hard for simply scandilize it and get fame due to the arrogant personality they’ve tried to wear up(and get even more famous through it all).

As they become over ridiculous for me, none can see how dumb they are when they believe that so easy, like unexperienced people.

I wish I have already figured out what lights someone up, because I can’t believe that people who pretend all the time can get some friend… is that just because they pretend like they were superior and kinda crazy then they do some things that none ever saw before and have the most unexpected reactions possible in this small world for nothing? Is it the way they hide themselves and keep pretending ? Or is that just because they fear something they’ve been through before and have different points of view of myself? Am I the wrong one?

Oh wait… why the hell would I ever let someone change my minds just because these people want me to think and act like ‘em? And what about my own? Where is it? Have I been controlled by anyone since I was born? Am I a robot set to follow everyone else’s ideologies, without even remiding the first ideology I started following and never stop following?

It feels hard when you notice some of your friends are pretending but you can’t tell anyone about it because if you do, you’ll be cheating on them and none will trust you anymore or even want to be your friend once you did something bad with the collest person ever… but just remember, half an hour of fame won’t lead you anywhere…

Even if the collest person is the worst person you could ever know, nobody’s gonna trust and believe you, the person is pretending after all.

Now I think on the other side of my way of living/being… this person, who’s pretending and not minding at what everyone else could start thinking about you, taking the situation like “it’s not even reaching me, why would I care about it?I’m superior hahaha”, is or not cheating on me somehow?

If famous people were that decent, Lindsay Lohan wouldn’t have got caught and stuck on jail, Chris Brown wouldn’t have done what he did with Taylor Swift and many things in the world would be much better because the luxury wouldn’t mean as much as it does to everyone, however, have you ever started thinking about who brought up the luxury as a cool or even the best thing to the world(it includes who you imagine, anyone has your own opnion/ideology as I’ve metioned mine)?

People think I’m just a quiet guy who’s never supposed to step up and say whatever I may want to, and it also feels like they think I’m just accepting and gulping down everything they tell me as if there was no problem, I just wanna stick to them because they’re famous… fortunately guys, fame doesn’t make part of my ideology, so being friend of a famous person or being friend of a anyone else, whether they’re famous or not makes no different to me if the famous one is as decent and cool as the other one. People should think twice before treating anyone according to the one’s status in anywhere of our planet.